Who’s Responsible?

Loyola High School is “dedicated to the formation of mature, responsible Catholic adults in accordance with the vision and tradition of the Catholic Church and the Society of Jesus.” This, of course, is part of our statement of identity. While I’m sure you are all familiar with this statement, I wanted to take the opportunity to emphasize one word in this statement; “responsible”.

This is a strange word because we use it in different ways: When parents hear that their son is “…such a responsible young man”, they beam with pride. On the other hand, when parents ask of the messy kitchen, “Who’s responsible for this?” no child wishes to claim the credit. So why is it that we use the same word in these very different contexts, and which of these is being referred to in our statement of identity? At first glance, it would seem that we are only referring to the first, but, as I’m sure you’ve guessed, we actually mean both because they are really the same thing.

One might think that the messy kitchen responsibility is really just another way of accusing someone of being irresponsible, but that would only be half true; the irresponsibility only comes when the culprit fails to own up. Being responsible means something other than always doing the right thing and living up to one’s duties. It means claiming an action or duty for oneself; being answerable for what one does and for the consequences that ensue. Responsibility then, claims both the good and the bad.

Responsibility is the other side of freedom. I cannot have one without the other. It is the freedom to choose that creates responsibility and, in a kind of logical irony, it follows that the more I accept responsibility, the freer I become. Perhaps the best way to illustrate this is to think of the dog that bites the postman. Who is responsible for the dog’s actions? Well, some might argue that the postman asked for it, or that the dog’s owner did not properly train it, but it is generally accepted that the dog simply followed its instincts; it did not freely choose. Dogs are not responsible for what they become, but humans are. Our choices make us into the persons we are and the persons we will become; that is both our freedom and our responsibility.

It’s funny that as parents and teachers we often seek to shelter our kids from the very thing we hope for them, responsibility. We feel badly when our sons or our students have to face up to the choices that they make and will often go to great lengths to protect them. This seems like an altruistic act; it seems to have the best interest of the child at heart. But in so doing aren’t we really causing more harm than good? Aren’t we really taking away their responsibility and their freedom? As Edith Hamilton said of the decline of Athens, “When the freedom they wished for most was freedom from responsibility, then Athens ceased to be free and was never free again” This is not really new or surprising. Even in the Genesis story Adam and Eve wish to abdicate their freedom as soon as they misuse it. “It wasn’t my fault, it was the woman … it wasn’t my fault, it was the snake…I’m not responsible, I had no choice!”

So how can we continue to love and care for the young men in our charge when they make choices that they shouldn’t? (For that matter, how can we love ourselves when we make poor choices?) Should we try to shelter them from their responsibility and point a finger elsewhere, or should we coldly allow them to face up to their actions? Fortunately, neither of these needs be our course of action.

In Catholic theology, there is a beautiful distinction between the sin and the sinner. We are taught to hate the sin and love the sinner. We all need to know that we are loved despite the choices that we sometimes make and it is only in love that we can break from those choices that will, in the end, make us into something less than we were created to be. While we and our kids need to accept the complete responsibility of our choices to truly be free, we also need to know that being loved is unconditional. So as strange as it may seem to them, we need to let them know that we will allow them to face the consequences, sometimes even serious consequences, not out of spite, but precisely because we love them and want them to be free to become the persons they were created to be!